dance. dance from your heart. *

Saturday, July 30, 2005

i changed my blog skin againx.. cos i find there's sumtink wrong wif my previous 1.... mmmm... but dunno which 1 nicer.. but nvm lahx... juz changed!

went to botanic garden... church organise an event for autism kids n their family.. mmm... went to help out... as in attached to each family n somehow helped them.... it was a great experience... n of cos.. had fun!

after tt went to study.... i really need to mug hard ler!!!

nth much to blog.... juz want to share tis short para from a book tt i have read... nice stuffs.....

there u go...

I regained my couch, but never thought of sleep. Till morning dawned I was tossed on a buoyant but unquiet sea, where billows of trouble rolled under surges of joy. I thought of sometimes I saw beyond its wild waters a shore, sweet as the hills of Beulah; and now and then a freshening gale wakened by hope, bore my sprirt triumphantly towards the bourne: but i could not reach it, even in fancy, - a counteracting breeze blew off land and continually drove me back. Sense would resists delirium: judgement would warn passion. Too feverish to rest, I rose as soon as day dawned.
- Jane Eyre chapter 15-

dancing all night long _ *
9:50 PM
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Thursday, July 28, 2005

i am so disappointed... so upset... so tired and so sorry....

had a super bad day.... its really THAT BAD kx...

hAix.... had test (geo) in the morning.. n sumtink really bad happened.... dun wanna add in the details... was really damn sad lah... n thru'out the day it really spoiled the mood of the whole cls man!

but thank God... it was solved... mm...n i seriously hope it's ok in the end... please....

n.. the worse to come...

my lit teacher actuallly showed us our results that are accumulated for the past few tests together.. it will be taken into acccount for our promos.. LIT... all in all... i got like 27% lah... i m like wad the hell.. though somehow expected it... but still... u wldnt noe how to face it nevertheless... haix...

den nvm... the names are highlighted in RED!!! those who did exeptionally un-well.... n most of all.. i have the lowest score in my class....

i dunno.. can feel droplets of tears forming in my eyes soon after.... i dun want to give up.. but it seems that the situation seems to b encouragin me to do so..... b4 u talk to me, console me, or juz comfort.. juz lemme talk... or vent u cls say....

i felt tt i m not reaping what i have sow..... i did all my Lit work lah.. i rread all my readings lah! some of my clsmate dint even do dem lor.... n did extra revision when i gt the time for LIT lahx.. n what i get????? is still these results..... i m so pissed wif myself.... i noe i aint suppose to feel tis way.. but i juz feel stupid u c.... never wld i imagine i wld get such results.. loweest in cls leh!!! i've never been there b4 lor.... i dunno..... dunno wad can i do... yah... i m supposed to look for teachers n ask dem wads my prob..... i dunno.. will it help???

i dun wan these tears to drop.... but they juz kip moving down my face... m i doing enuf?

talked to fren... n she said "pray to God"

i noe.... i did tt.... n i noe His plan is perfect n a lot a lot more principles i cld find to have more faith... but talk is cheap.... sumtimes u juz cldnt find it real to ur life until u constantly feels His love.... His presence... how ON FIRE u felt at one moment.. den at the next moment.. guess wad? u r back to the pessists u....

how can i not feel this way? its not wad i wan u noe? i kip telling myself positive things.... but somehow it jus fails when tis bcum a cliche n u feel that u no longer believe as much as u did before...

i jusst want to cry n shout out loud.... HELP ME MY LORD

dancing all night long _ *
7:13 PM
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Saturday, July 23, 2005

tis is probably the 2nd i've typed.. n erase again...

duno wad to write... so much to say yet cant pen it down....

oh yah. ..has been exactly 1 week... wad have i been doing wif my life for the past wk???

mmmm... basicaaly we have dance like amost everi single day? haha..... like until 9+ den reach hm? i dun even have the time to tok 2 my beloved shiyin lahx... let alone have 'recreationall' time... heez.... i kind of like n dun like tis idea... like. is of cos all the good times spent wif my beloved dancers lah..imagine the few of us juz stayed back n choreograph the whole freakin dance on our own.. practicing till like so late everiday... our usual routine is havin chips n bitchin ard in the canteen n in the dance room.. laugh out head off n dance our way off...

n of cos.. de dun-like-part.. is the aftermath when u get freakin tired... n u basically CANNOT do anything... impt tings like, homework, slp, eat, talk??? yahx.... n tt is super retarded lah... n i dun tink my family understands lah.... they think i m having a lot of fun outside... (actualy i do, but its kinda a no-choice ting wad) .... den wen i get back home... juz hear nagging n stuffs... right..... so pleasant to the ears... so NICE to hear wen u r alr so tired n juz needed some rest or some encouragement... mmm.. i dun get tt?

well... i definitely have to trust God in tis kinda stuffs... like i always do trust.. n like He always helps.... i rmbed asking kris how to rely on God's strength instead of my own's.... u noe, its easy to say, but hard to do? n she said, : " to know wad u cannot do n BELIEVE that HE can do it" n then, i juz proclaimed everitink!!! n to really have the notion to BELIEVE really helps....

wad else can i say.... but THANK GOD!!!

dancing all night long _ *
10:58 PM
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Saturday, July 16, 2005

aNothEr wEeK

mmM..... anOther wK has almost past.. =p how fast isn't it... n i ccant wait for today!!! cant wait for weekend!!! woots!

past week has been practicing!!! buSY pracctising for 2dae's grand event... the MOE held a Racial Harmony Day thing in PJC today... a lot of other schs come to our sch.... den we only like get the notice of putting up a performance on monday lah!!! in such a short time... we came up wif steps, practice everitink.. n there..... our Hip Hop Dance thIngy!!! hehEx....

very good.. though the process is quite undersirable... imagine we have dance almost everi single freaking day ... reach hm 8+ ler... n wad... have to finish up those homework dat nv cease to pile up everi single day? wad's more..... its not as if the school will give u a break... tests tests tests n tests like so the often lah.... n the best thing is.. most of the time u dun actually have the energy to study or do ani work bcos u r literally VERY TIRED! so wad u actually end up doing is slping early and waking up early as well... just to do these work!

but anyway... come 2 think of it.. it was quite fun lah.... as in.. the times that we dancers spend together. how we encouraged one another.... talking abt guys.... n bitching ard... haha... though hard, but enjoyable yah....

we were all so excited... 2dae... we spent most of our time TAKING PHOTOS!!! so funny.. we make all kinds of face.. poses all kinds of poses.... make a nuisance of ourselves.. n irritate the hell out of the poor 'photographers'

finally.. IT WAS THE DANCE! haha.... well.. wad cld i say!!! it was utterly superb.... really enjoyed myeslf.... made no mistake like in the past i do! smiled like i nv do to the audiences.... woo hoo....~ an achievement.. very happi... lol...

nw.. back to a MORE concentrated study of my studies... yah.... as Jamie reminds, BACK to Jazz... *sHit*

dancing all night long _ *
7:37 PM
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Sunday, July 10, 2005

SabBatH

again... 2dae was sabbath... though had service today, still went church for bible study + giving tuition.. =p

mmmm.... i lead worship 2dae!!! so excited.... had nv lead in my whole wide life.... well.. thank God for iwan... he's the guitarist... thank God for allowing mi the chance to lead, and to serve =p yiPpEe!!!

ohx.. anyway.. i kind of like sorted out my thoughts...

i am a student.. yup... n my responsibility is of cos study wad... y m i so involved in other stuffs.... if i am good in my studies.. den i go get involved.. ok. perhaps have nth to say... but my studies alr so koyak still i want to get so involved.... m i really playing my part as a student.... as in.. talking about the main priority....

i argued... this is really my interest... my character.. my personality... so-outdoor... but again... time is always a factor we have to seriously consider right? too bad no1 can have control over time.. if i cant handle time well, if i cant manage time well... den i think i shldnt jolly well think of being so involved in other matters... GET MY PRIORITIES RIGHT!.. i warned myself...

i just want to get myself set into studying.. and God.. and Church.... for tis 2 yrs... or even less.... i m gonna start focussing on wad shld b focused and b focus in wadever is to be focus.... yah!!! FOCUS!

thanks to my beloved leaders.... Kris + Cindy.. n my beloved dear ShiYin!!! for taalkin sense into mee... n encouraging... pls continue to guide me... Thank You...

dancing all night long _ *
8:10 PM
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Thursday, July 07, 2005

FruiTs

Maybe these fruits will cheer mi up a bit...

begin to wonder if i have made de right choice by entering Jc... i dun regret... dun mistaken.. its just wondering.. somehow i feel that i am not coping well.. oh.. not feeling.. is really not coping well... of course i know the reason... it's they style of writting essays that got into into all these shit.... well.... thank God for teachers there to help... but still, willl i be able to improve in time? so tt i can make it thru promos... n finally a level?

worried n doubtful....

My CT (civics tutor) or u may call it 'form teacher' talked 2 me ydae..... my results horrendous lah.... econs very jia lat... literature, needless to say.. even the teacher alerted her about mi lor.... whats my problem manx? i did try hard lor.. very hard lah... but... ...

2dae had 2 Lit tests... both not enuf time to do... quite confident though after finishing... few minutes later.... again was appalled to find out tt i did exactly de oposite.... misread qns? out to point? or whatever u call u... its a goner....

i noe wad the teachers gotta say lahx? think they dun understand wads my prob loR.... hope they do though..... =(

i just wan to gorge myself wif those fruits!!! uncle n auntie boughht so much for us.... it's really in a bunch 1 lah.. mangosteen.... rambutan n oooooo DURIAN!!! yippeee... i m happy wif fruits..... too bad no bananas.... =p

dancing all night long _ *
8:00 PM
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Tuesday, July 05, 2005

oH..bElovEd mUmMmYy...

ydae morning.. mama fall down!
she was standing on the chair.. wanna take sumtink from a cupboard high above.. n plop... down she falled... haad legs n arm swollen.. back hit the edge of the floor( Thank God not the head)... n yah.. she was very down... =(

her right hand all the while was not in a good shape.. this fall made it even worse... went to c those chinese physician.. duno wad they do to her... hand wrapped up like dunno wad.. so poor thing...canot move here move there..... which means also wad? my bro n i haf to take over most over the housework!!! oh nO!

doing laundry was ok.... sweeping floor, mopping floor, cleaning table n stuffs of course was alright.. but nv did i imagine... i have to do something i dun quite like.... COOKING!!! actually it was not really cooking.. assisting her i would say? but i really dun like the idea of stepping into the kitchen, preparing food n making you sweaty all over....

aniway, just had dinner... n yah... chop pork... throwing food into the wok.... hasnt been doing all these since sec 4 fNN.... haiyo! maybe the qns will be posted to me again? "so now, do u like cooking?" my ans will b still NO!!! not a wee bit.... bleahx...

nevertheless, i have to still do all these stuffs until my mama fully recover.... now i realise how important she is.... my 1st button dropped from the uniform.... but paisehx to ask her sew for mi... haf to prepare breeakfast for my 'beloved' bro... cos initially was my mama do one, but she injured her hand, so inconvenient.. so i have to do it... =(

pls .. pray that she gets well soon... desperately so..........

dancing all night long _ *
6:55 PM
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Sunday, July 03, 2005

diStuRbed silEnce

2dae was sabbath.. went to church, as usual.

i was reminded to check out kris's blog.. always, she wrote wise stuffs.. n it's always a pleasure to read her posts. n i was reminded by 1 of the poem she shared months ago....

written bt an American High School teacher

He came to my desk with a quivering lip
The lesson was done.
"Have you a new sheet for me, dear teacher,
I've spoiled this one"
I took his sheet all soiled and blotted
Gave him a new one all unspotted
And into his tired heart I cried:
"Do better now, my child"

I went to the throne with a trembling heart
The day was done
"Have you a new day for me day, Dear Master?
I've spoiled this one"
He took my day all soiled and blotted
And gave me a new one all unspotted
And into my tired heart He cried:
"Do better now, my child"

dancing all night long _ *
8:55 PM
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Saturday, July 02, 2005

i went to a weebbie.. n this is a story pasted by some1.. perhaps could share with you guys this story... How nice it is!! =) To meet Jesus when we least expects it!!

Ruth went to her mail box and there was only one letter. She picked it up and looked at it before opening, but then she looked at the envelope again.There was no stamp, no postmark, only her nameand address.

She read the letter:
Dear Ruth:I`m going to be in your neighborhood Saturdayafternoon and I'd like to stop by for a visit.
Love Always, Jesus

Her hands were shaking as she placed the letter on the table.

"Why would the Lord want to visit me? I'm nobody special. I don't have anything to offer."

With that thought, Ruth remembered her empty kitchen cabinets.

"Oh my goodness, I really don't have anything to offer. I'll have to run down to the store and buy something for dinner."

She reached for her purse and counted out its contents. Five dollars and forty cents.

"Well, I can get some bread and cold cuts, at least."

She threw on her coat and hurried out the door. A loaf of French bread, a half-pound of sliced turkey, and a carton of milk...leaving Ruth with grand total twelve cents to last her until Monday.

Nonetheless, she felt good as she headed home, her meager offerings tucked under her arm.

"Hey lady, can you help us, lady?"

Ruth had been so absorbed in her dinner plans, she hadn't even noticed two figures huddled in the alley way. A man and a woman, both of them dressed in little more than rags

"Look lady, I ain't got a job, ya know, and my wife and I have been living out here on the street, and, well, now it's getting cold and we're getting kinda hungry and, well, if you could help us. Lady, we'd really appreciate it."

Ruth looked at them both. They were dirty, they smelled bad and frankly, she was certain that they could get some kind of work if they really wanted to.

"Sir, I'd like to help you, but I'm a poor woman myself. All I have is a few cold cuts and some bread, and I'm having an important guest for dinner tonight and I was planning on serving that to Him."

"Yeah, well, okay lady, I understand. Thanks anyway." The man put his arm around the woman's shoulders, turned and headed back into the alley.

As she watched them leave, Ruth felt a familiar twinge in her heart."Sir, wait!"

The couple stopped and turned as she ran down the alley after them. "Look, why don't you take this food. I'll figure out something else to serve my guest."She handed the man her grocery bag.

"Thank you lady. Thank you very much!""Yes, thank you!" It was the man's wife, and Ruth could see now that she was shivering.

"You know, I've got another coat at home. Here, why don't you take this one." Ruth unbuttoned her jacket and slipped it over the woman's shoulders. Then smiling, she turned and walked back to the street...without her coat and with nothing to serve her guest."Thank you lady! Thank you very much!"

Ruth was chilled by the time she reached her front door, and worried too. The Lord was coming to visit and she didn't have anything to offer Him. She fumbled through her purse for the door key. But as she did, she noticed another envelope in her mailbox."That's odd. The mailman doesn't usually come twice in one day." She took the envelope out of the box and opened it.

Dear Ruth: It was so good to see you again. Thank you for the lovely meal. And thank you, too, for the beautiful coat.
Love Always, Jesus

The air was still cold, but even without her coat, Ruth no longer noticed.

dancing all night long _ *
7:36 PM
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i thank God...

i just reached home... from school.. from project...

i really want to praise God.. as in, He made my day so perfect lor..

our project was kinda stucked.. cos we have none to interview, as in.... those ppl either doesnt wan to reply us.. or.. i duno.... so, we were so 'jammed' and just decided to charged into their territories to check dem out... rather than sitting here, starts to rot, and not doing anything...

it was kinda risk taking i would say.. imagine its a saturday, you wouldnt b sure if it's open... you wouldnt b sure whether those big shots will take their precious time off to some little nuts... even if by some miracle, they would, will they be willing to share wif us readily on any information we may need....

Hey.. but guess wad? it's really by GOD'S GRACE dat upon reaching there, they were actually having a flag there thingy... so, it was opened... more than that... the man that we r supposed to be speaking to, actually held some high managerial position... n these kind of ppl dun actually needs to go out to the field and ask for donations... moreover, he was free at that point in time, and managed to spare us 1hr...

oh... something great is to come...

the best ting is, the interview was so engaging, so interesting, so fruit-bearing and... whatever u describe it... this wasnt the first interview i have done.. but it was definitely another time, when i c how this someone actually is so willing to share with us little nuts, and engages so much in this conversation...

i begin to praise Him... sometimes we really cant expect God isnt it? as in, what we asked for maybe so so simple, so so undetailed, so so unspecific, so so dry and so so plain... yet God knows whats best for us.. and always give us that best...

The bible says, "Ask and you will be given" ... and He being the magnaminous Him, always give more den what we ask for... And of course, it's always for the good of our own...

do we only truely give thanks when good things happen? indeed, as the cliche goes, do we treat God like out 7-eleven? well, search my soul...

i remebered last wk's sermon... kris sayed.. we must treat God as if He is useless... wait... b4 u accuses me as a member of the cult, she means that, if God is useless... will we still worship Him, praise Him, thank Him, glorify Him, love Him as b4???

well, time to search da soul...

dancing all night long _ *
7:15 PM
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